This morning I got an email that made me smile.
It's from a Coffee Hit who sell coffee machines as well as coffee beans, so straight away they're in my caffeinated good books.
Coincidentally, it came in just as I was formulating a plan to start to writing email breakdowns to showcase brands that are doing a great job with their email game.
Coffee Karma!
So, that's enough preamble, let's dig in!
Subject Line
Free Express Delivery For Today Only!
As subject lines go, it's a bit Ronseal. It does exactly what it says on the tin—no harm there. It doesn't hint at the fun they have in the email itself, though.
Could they have done more with it? Sure. Subject lines are a tricky beast, and there's always another angle you could try.
Personally, I would test this against a more creative route and see if there was a noticeable difference.
Hero Section
Opening up the email, at first glance, it looks like every other eCom email—design-rich adverts prompting you to buy.
Hero Section
I love their Great Coffee, Made Simple strap line—straight to the point.
But the best thing is their discount code—ESPRESSODELIVERY.
They're having fun with it while tying it into their brand and product. It's fun, and it raises a wry smile.
Great job.
Copy
Now the fun begins!
Hello Coffee Lover,
It’s December 16th already and you should be lapping up the mince pies and mulled wine in peace. Instead, you’ve had the dreaded realisation that you’ve missed a present off your list – oh, the panic. You’re not one to leave people wanting but ordering something this close to the big day and having it wrapped and under the tree in time feels like a bit of a stretch even for you!
This is a clever way to talk to the pain points of just about anyone this close to Christmas—the panic and guilt of forgetting to buy a present—or worse, being given a present and having nothing to hand back. But they don't lay it on thick. No one wants to feel that much pressure first thing in the morning—when they're probably drinking their morning coffee!
They also throw in a couple of compliments, too— You're not one to leave people wanting and feels like a bit of a stretch, even for you!
They didn't need to include this, but added to the Coffee Lover salutation, here's a brand looking to make their customers feel good without being fawning and OTT.
And who doesn't want that?!
They follow this with a nice pivot to their offer (plus a link to their site).
But worry not, because we at Coffee Hit aren’t ones to see you suffer… For today only, we’re here to give you the gift of…
FREE EXPRESS DELIVERY
But they don't stop there—there's more fun to be had:
We haven’t all got a magic sleigh that carts us around the world to drop off our Christmas presents, so we’re giving you the next best thing.
While we can’t guarantee next-day delivery (post can have a mind of its own this time of year!) we can do our best by offering you Free Express Delivery across our website.
In a country dominated by most public services going on strike today, they set expectations that they can't guarantee and offer to do their best.
And the image of a magic sleigh carting someone around the world to drop off presents is always going to go down well.
One thing I'd be careful about here is we haven't all got and while we can't guarantee in quick succession does leave a negative spin on this section (it's subtle, but it's there). I'd suggest reordering these paragraphs or rewording them.
Maybe Now I wish we had a magic sleigh, and while we'll get it on its way ASAP, it'll be in the hands of a courier, so we can't guarantee.
This positive reframing just removes any chance of a customer being talked out of buying as they can't be sure it'll make it on time.
One other thing I'd tweak is I'd add the discount code into the URL for Coffee Hit's site.
They use Klaviyo for their ESP (most Shopify stores do, it's pretty amazing), and it's a simple line of code they add to the link text—it's not the sort of thing you know off the top of your head, but there's an easy tutorial on Klaviyo's website.
This is a great extra step you can take, so the discount is applied automatically. It's one less thing to worry about, and for hurried Christmas shoppers who may not notice a delivery charge going on their bill when they forget to add the code, it reduces the risk of customer service issues.
There are also few S's in the ESPRESSODELIVERY that’s just asking people may accidentally misspell it.
(and don’t get me started on expresso 😖)
This is quite a short email, and Paul, the owner (and presumably the writer of the email), doesn't hang around in wrapping up—hey, we're all busy, so I'm sure customers appreciate him getting to the point:
To make the most of this one-time offer, enter code ESPRESSODELIVERY at the checkout. But remember, this is only for today, so don’t take too long in deciding what to order. The last guaranteed shipping dates for Christmas delivery is Friday 16th December (48 hour) and Monday 19th December (24 hour).
Happy shopping!
Paul Radin
Owner, Coffee Hit
There's urgency (today only), a repeat of the delivery code that can be copy-and-pasted (nicely done!), and we've got a bold deadline disclaimer for shipping.
It may have been an idea to deviate from what I presume is the standard sign-off with a Merry Christmas message, but it's a small thing.
So, what are the key takeaways?
Have fun with discount codes
Inject personality into the copy rather than an image-only advert in my inbox
Short, clear, and to the point
If you're offering a discount code, have it apply automatically to make it easier on customers so they're more likely to spend with you!
Good job, Coffee Hit!